


8 Letters

by siriuspiggyback



Series: trying is the point of life, so don’t stop trying, promise me [2]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst, Grief/Mourning, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Letters, M/M, No Apocalypse (Umbrella Academy)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:27:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24202066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siriuspiggyback/pseuds/siriuspiggyback
Summary: Klaus writes back to Dave.
Relationships: Dave/Klaus Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves & Everyone, Klaus Hargreeves/David "Dave" Katz
Series: trying is the point of life, so don’t stop trying, promise me [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1746691
Comments: 36
Kudos: 240





	8 Letters

**Author's Note:**

> me, a year after posting dear klaus: i can't believe you guys are making me write a sequel!  
> y'all:  
> me: haha you guys are crazy, i guess i have to write it!  
> y'all:
> 
> anyways, i was listening to 8 letters by paul baribeau and suddenly got inspired to write a sequel

Dave,

I got your letter. I wish you were here, so I could tell you that you're a sappy bastard, and pretend that it didn't make me cry, but you're not. You're not here ~~and I~~

My siblings were really nice about it. Like, weirdly nice, almost suspiciously nice? We're trying to be nicer but we're mostly failing at it. Luther keeps saying, "Try again. Fail again. Fail better." It mostly makes him sound pretentious as shit, and then we all make fun of him, and in doing so fail to be nice, but really, can you blame us? 

This is weird. 

I don't have much practice writing letters. Back in Nam, I think I was the only one not writing to anyone, and I know people noticed, thought I didn't have anyone. And I guess I thought so too. But look! I have. A family. A family who actually… care about each other? Maybe? Who would have guessed?

Anyway, sorry, sidetracked. What I'm saying is. ~~What am I sayi~~

Right. So I don't have much practice writing to people. I did write to my siblings when I was in rehab, I guess, but only because the counselor made me, and it was mostly just nonsense and doodles and creative swears. Now I'm doing it properly, for myself. Vanya suggested it. She said it could be therapeutic, so of course, I said, like your book? Because I am an asshole. I guess I'm still shit at the whole siblings thing.

You remember how you used to say I was sweet? I think you're the only person to ever say that.

I don’t know what I’ll do with these letters. I don’t think the postal dude is gonna be able to deliver it to you. I thought about leaving them at your grave, but what if you have a great niece or something, and she visits and finds it? I’m sure your great niece is lovely, but this is kind of personal. So I don’t think I’ll do the grave thing. I’m not a fan of graves, in general, and seeing yours would be. I don’t know. Maybe too real. Plus, graveyards do not mix well with a sober me. 

Oh yeah! I got sober! I know, I know, you always said I could do it. ~~I didn’t do it for you though, don’t get big headed there Dave. Yes, it may perfectly coincide with needing to summon you, but that doesn’t~~ Oh fuck it. Yeah okay, I did it for you. Happy now? 

Not that you’ve had the decency to actually show up. Bastard.

Whatever, it’s fine. Even marriage vows say ‘until death do we part’, and we were never even married. I’m doing fine without you, by the way. Just fine. No need to worry, or feel guilty. So, if you’re staying away on purpose, if you’ve moved on or whatever, it’s fine. I’m fine. 

I’m sober, I’m not homeless anymore, I eat every day and sleep in a bed with pillows and blankets. I’m thriving. 

But if you are around… maybe come visit sometime? Even if you don’t want to stay. Even if it’s just for a minute. Just to say goodbye. I can’t stand the not knowing, the waiting. I’m not planning on moving on either way, because we both know you’re the only one for me, but maybe I could sleep better at night if I knew why you weren’t here. 

Because I’m not sleeping well. I never did, really, except when you were there. I’m not used to sleeping alone. It’s too quiet without your stupid snoring. And when I do sleep, I get nightmares. Not even my usual ones, and you know that they were already scary as shit. Now, I see you. I see you die. I really don’t want that to be my last memory of you. Every time I think of you, I think of red, red, red, and I feel like I’m going to be sick, and it makes it so hard to remember the good stuff, even though there was so much good stuff. So if you could drop by, that would be swell.

If not, that’s fine too. 

Anyway, this letter is a mess. Sorry. I did warn you, I'm no good at letters. 

Love you. Miss you.

Klaus.

* * *

~~Dave,~~

~~I love you baby. Please come back~~

* * *

Dave,

In hindsight, my first letter may have been a little intense. So I just wanted to clarify that I really am okay. Promise. So if you can’t come home to me, if you don’t want to, that’s okay. I’m not mad at you. I don’t hold it against you, even if you’re avoiding me. I wish I could avoid me, most days.

So. Yeah. Hope you’re okay, wherever you are. My family is doing good. Still working hard on the whole siblings thing, and it’s going okay for the most part. I mean, no one’s murdered each other, which in this family is about all you can ask for. I’ve been able to manifest Ben a few times now, so we really are all together. ~~If I can manifest him, why can’t i even~~

I’m really trying this time. You asked me to keep going, so that’s what I’m doing. I’m having dinner with my siblings, and going to NA meetings, and having spa days with my sisters, and even reading some goddamn self help book. I’m trying so hard. ~~I should feel better by now, right? Why don’t I~~

~~I still~~

I’m trying to be patient, but I’m still struggling a little. That’s not your fault, though. You know how it is. Guys who saw too much shit, they always got a little fucked up by the end of their tours, didn’t they. I mean, you’re about the softest guy I ever met, and even you were a little rough around the edges by the end. It’s an adjustment, being home. Being without you. I’m trying to be patient.

Sorry, I’m rambling again. I just miss you a lot.

Klaus

* * *

Dave

So actually, that was a big fucking lie. I am, in fact, mad as hell. You promised. You promised me that you wouldn’t leave me. Where’s that fucking promise now??? I should have known it was bullshit, because it's always bullshit, but I believed you anyway! Because I was stupid and in love and I trusted you. I trusted you when you said forever. So unless your definition of forever is much different to mine, it looks like you were lying about that. And now I have to wonder just how much of that was bullshit, how much of us was bullshit.

Why the fuck did I believe you? Am I really that fucking dumb? Like, fool me once, right? Fool me again and again and again. I never fucking learn.

Fuck you. Fuck you fuck you fuck you FUCK YOU FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOU

* * *

Dave

Don’t worry. I'm not mad anymore. Quite the opposite. In fact, I think the whole thing is hilarious. It's one huge joke! Do you get it?

I mean, the irony alone! It's so hard to love me, I had to go fifty years back and halfway across the world to find someone who could stand me. Now that's comedy!

Another joke: the Vietnam war, the Fucking Vietnam War, was the best thing to ever happen to me. Ha fucking ha, right?

And it doesn't stop there! Drumroll please, because here's the punch line! I'm the guy who can see ghosts, the goddamn seance himself, and yet I can't find the one fucking ghost I'm looking for. Someone start writing a screenplay, because this shit is comedy gold.

Do you get the joke? Do you get it yet?

The joke's on me.

* * *

Dave,

Please be advised that you still owe me twenty bucks for that tattoo I spotted you for.

Feel free to pay me back any time now.

Klaus

* * *

Dave

~~The truth is~~

The truth is, I’m not mad at you. I’m not sure that I ever was. 

I was mad at the universe, and the person who shot you, and the assholes in government who decided to send you there, and most of all, myself, because I could have saved you. I had every opportunity to take you away from the war, to take you somewhere safe, somewhere we could be together, and I didn’t. I guess my dad was right about one thing: I’m a coward. I was too scared to ask, because I wasn’t sure what I would do if the answer was no. How could I think that you rejecting me was the worst possible outcome? I would let you reject me a thousand times if it meant that you could live, that you be safe and happy and grow old and have a family and all that shit that never happened. I’m so damn sorry, Dave. I’m so sorry that I can barely breathe.

In your letter, you asked me to live, but you didn’t tell me how. How am I supposed to survive this? Knowing I could have saved you?

I know I wrote that it was okay if you never came back to me, but I was lying. I think you know that. It’s probably selfish of me, but I’ve always been selfish. Selfishness is the only thing that kept me alive, living back home, and then when I was on the streets. I tried to not care about other people, because no one else was going to care about me. And then you came along.

That’s true for a lot of things. I thought I knew who I was, what to expect from life, what to want from life, and then you were there, and suddenly I didn’t know anything anymore. It scared the shit out of me, but I think you knew that, too. You were so careful not to push me, not to go too fast. No one’s ever cared about that before. Hell, for everyone else, that was my attraction. Everything about me shouts out that you can do whatever the hell you want to me, and I would take it. Everyone knows you can’t break a broken thing, so no one was ever worried about being too rough. There was an absurd safety in it. Almost comforting, knowing that whatever else happens, it won’t matter. You can’t break a broken thing. And then you saw me, and you saw something that could be fixed, but you didn’t try to fix me, did you? You just helped me fix myself. For a minute there, I really felt like I was fixed.

I guess there were still fault lines, though, weren’t there? I was fragile, and it was almost worse that way, because when you ~~die~~ left, I broke hard, harder than I knew possible. Part of me regrets allowing myself to heal in the first place, because maybe then I wouldn’t have broken so hard, but the rest of me knows I would break myself over and over for you. Maybe that’s what love is for me. For you, love was when you looked at me and saw something worth fixing. For me, it was when I looked at you and saw something worth breaking for.

Maybe love can happen without it hurting. I really hope it can. 

So I guess what I’m saying is, I’m still waiting for you. Still breaking myself for you. You wouldn’t like that, I know, because that’s who you are, but this is who I am. This is the only thing I can do for you now, and I will do it, because I love you. I love you, more than I’ve ever loved anyone, myself most of all. I love everything about you, even the things I never thought I would. All the things I thought were flaws, like the way you always burn yourself on your coffee even after I tell you it’s too hot, and the way you try talking to the guys that really don’t want to talk to anyone. The way you go through life as if you aren’t scared of being hurt. I never knew what real bravery was until I met you. I miss it all. I miss it so fucking much, I feel like I might die, like my heart will stop dead in my chest. 

So if you don’t come home to me… I won’t be angry at you, but it won’t be okay, either. Any version of me who doesn’t have you is a version of me that is hurting. I think I missed you before I ever set eyes on you.

You remember that greek myth? With the two people making a whole? It’s funny, because I never really liked it, never liked the idea that I needed anyone else to be complete. I get it now, though. It’s not that you complete me, it’s that you help me to complete myself. I don’t know how to do it without you.

I really need you to come back to me, Dave.

Yours forever,

Klaus

* * *

Dave

~~I can’t~~

~~How do i do this, please tell me how im supposed to~~

~~please~~

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/161747284@N06/49897743073/in/dateposted-public/)


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